we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
