Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
