I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
