The best revenge is premature balding
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
