You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I have already put on my inside pants.
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