Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
