atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
