Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
