12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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