Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
