plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
