Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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