If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
