census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
