well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Boobs are out for the taking
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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