I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
