I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
