I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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