my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
