It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
