'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
