One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
