Betty ford says i'm here all night
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
