Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
These tits shall not be calmed
Why are your pants in the freezer?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
