if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Randomize
