omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
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