She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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