you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
