The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
