The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
