Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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