i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
