hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
