Yo dont text me then not text me
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
