I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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