Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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