It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
