Even the bartender felt bad for me
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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