I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
