How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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