Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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