They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
