My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Who died my cat blue again?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
