hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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