He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
