Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
