I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
