Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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