When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
