fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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