Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
