Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
