Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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