Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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