Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
