as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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